sumunaring ndalu swargaloka

it’s almost a month after your two years remembrance, dad.
and i’m still holding on. even those pictures –in visiting your newly house– still not downloading yet.

(dad in the middle, courtesy of my big family r soepijono – brodjokaloso)

i want to keep it personal. as deep as i can. as silent as a midnight without any voices but the moonlight. as close as i can remember you clearly.
: it’s you, dad. only you.

funny that i can smell the tobacco burns around me. i don’t hate it. it’s different perception and beyond my tolerance against real smokers and its smokes, where my eyes feels burnt and my lungs suddenly so full!

this was [and is] … a fragrance from the distance. and mixed with mild arumdalu a.k.a sedap malam or known as nice white flower with calming-down ‘flavour’ upon my nose. your favourite flower. so simple as you.

and what can i write here about our latest meeting, dad? i always proud and love you. no matter how heavy the rain comes at the mid-day to sunset in your two years’ day, but it’s pretty clear when we start the ceremony and pray for you. i stated it in your lovely language:

sumunaring ndalu in swargaloka. pethak cinandra kartika lan andaru. panjenengan ing dalem agung, mugi kaparingan berkah dening Gusti Allah lan gegayuhan dening kalbunipun  mama, endut lan tone. sugeng tindak, papa. sugeng pepenget kalih taun. mugi sadaya kalepatan pupus, mila namung rasa kaendahan, bingah lan katresnan ingkang teras tuwuh.

tone and i took a drive, sending the meal-boxes to your friends, people you know and happy to be with, including a becak driver and his family [from whom i know that he and his wife are very proud of you too].

you just great, dad. nothing more i can say ….

enough for this moment ya, pa. i love you and i do miss you. never a day passes without thinking of you.

4 thoughts on “sumunaring ndalu swargaloka

  1. thanks so much, diny. it’s never been so easy to admit, “he passed away.” i am pretty coward by saying “he’s somewhere out there.”

    friend of mine in manila, deepa shared her experience, “time will never heal the wound.” i feel the same😦

  2. Feel sorry to hear about your dad,
    saya masih kagum dg kepiawaian beliau men “Dalang”,….seru banget pas menyaksikan beliau berlatih.

  3. deddy, there’s nothing can be felt but pain. still linger in my heart, it will be last forever.

    iya, aku juga suka kangen, malam-malam mendengarkan ura-ura. bikin ngantuk tapi nyaman. sekarang … wayang-wayangnya cuma dirawat, habis siapa yang bisa. semoga kamu seneng, sudah pernah nonton papa jadi dalang. terima kasih banyak ya, bro. i really mean it.

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